Dungeon-crawling Multi-cross Self-insert (with style)
by Narf the Mouse
Summary: In which I write that most heinous of story, the Self-Insert, without (hopefully) turning into either a Marty Stu or a Tragic Stu. M-rated for violence; however, nothing worse than you'd see in the published works of either media, which are generally considered T. House Rules are in play, as 3.5 is... an unbalanced mess.
1. Chapter 1

"Hmm... nice night for a stroll", Bob mused, smelling the smoky, fresh night air, with more than a pleasant hint of pollution, and listening to the quiet crunch of their rubber-soled shoes on concrete.

"Oh, I do love the way the stars gleam in the night sky." Sally-Ann's voice was quiet and contemplative as she slipped her arm through his, their feet creaking the metal staircase to the upper floor of the food stalls. "Look", she said softly, gazing up at the distant, burning embers. "Atropos is bright tonight." Bob followed her gaze, feeling the same thrill of wonder.

The three figures would cut a strange sight in most places; to onlookers, a female human of about twenty in a pleated blazer and skirt, escorting and being escorted by a male human of about thirty in a tie-die shirt and jeans; in front, a male human of about fifty in a black business suit, white undershirt and narrow tie from around 1930.

"Indeed, indeed." Morley followed her gaze as the wind sifted through the trees of the small park on the other side of the street, sadly empty. "It reminds me of those future days when the Old Ones will return and the rivers will run red with blood. But, speaking of blood, I think perhaps this room," he directed, pointing to a nearby stall door. "The smell is of an aged, but not faded, vintage."

"Yes, Master", Bob and Sally-Ann chorused in unison, turning to face the door. With a single, swift motion, each drove a foot into the door, which thumped solidly against the doorframe.

"Hmm... perhaps barred", their master said, voice as soft as blood being drawn. "Break it", he commanded sharply.

Thrice more they kicked in unison; on the third, the door shattered, sending splinters flying across the room. It wouldn't ruin the meal, of course; even a pitiful human would not be unduly pierced by light splinters of wood.

"It seems he is hiding, Master", Sally-Ann said, her voice holding a tinge of hunt-excitement as she examined the empty room.

"Tut, tut", Morley tsked. "Be careful, this one might be"

"Telæ", a voice spoke, a human appearing in the center of the room, hand upraised, palm facing them, with the three main fingers extended, and thumb curled up to little finger.

Wrist-thick webs covered everything in an eye-blink, partially obscuring the sight each other and the room... only to rip and tear under their Master's strength as he surged relentlessly towards the _offence_ who had dared trap them. "...tricky. And possibly part spider-demon."

A wand appeared in the food's hand as their voice spoke two indecipherable words. There was a sound, which perhaps could be described as "Zorpulch", as three white-tinged blue streaks tore bloodly pieces out of their Master's chest.

With a squelching sound, the webs closed beind him, partailly obscuring him from sight as Sally-Ann screamed desperate rage, tearing at the webs enclosing her, gaining a few feet of distance.

The webs closed in behind her as Bob struggled futily.

"...Possibly, a user of magic", Bob heard his master say as he broke through the last of the webs, his blood-rage cold and detached as always. "Do you know how much this suit..."

The food spoke the same two indecipherable words why was the food fighting back successfully how was the food fighting back successfully?

The death-scream of their master ripped through the room, muffled only by the foul webs.

Sally-Ann's shrieked the beautiful sound of dying webs following her as Bob thrashed and roared in anguish... then the same two indecipherable words and white-tinged blue streaks and her dying scream ripped the last of his sanity from his mind.

Words. Meaningless words. He thrashed madly, then a flash of white-tinged blue and the burning, sadistic welcome of the Abyss to a failed servant.

The surge of exhaustion as my adrenaline left was common-place, now, as I dropped to sit on the bed and sort through my memories of the recent battle, fixing them in their proper order. Dawn was two hours off, and the webs would hold for almost fifty more minutes. Staying put made the most sense; the sight and smell of a recent battle would warn off predators. There was no point in further rest; preparing spells was a poor chance when tired. I would leave shortly before dawn, to avoid getting caught by what passed for law...

In Sunnydale, California.

Author's Note: So I was trying to make the vampires come across as somewhat pretentious; but I kinda feel like I failed.


	2. Hello Darkness (W-World)

"Hmm... nice night for a stroll", Bob mused, smelling the smoky, fresh night air, with more than a pleasant hint of pollution, and listening to the quiet crunch of their rubber-soled shoes on blood-stained concrete.

"Oh, I do love the way the stars gleam in the night sky." Sally-Ann's voice was quiet and contemplative as she slipped her arm through his, their feet creaking the reddened metal staircase to the upper floor of the food stalls. "Look", she said softly, gazing up at the distant, burning embers. "Atropos is bright tonight." Bob followed her gaze, feeling the same thrill of wonder.

The three figures would cut a strange sight in most places; to onlookers, a female human of about twenty in a pleated blazer and skirt, escorting and being escorted by a male human of about thirty in a tie-die shirt and jeans; in front, a male human of about fifty in a black business suit, white undershirt and narrow tie from around 1930.

"Indeed, indeed." Morley followed her gaze as the wind sifted through the trees of the small park on the other side of the street, sadly empty. "It reminds me of those not-so-distant days when the Old Ones will return and the rivers will run red with blood. But, speaking of blood, I think perhaps this stall," he directed, pointing to a nearby stall door. "The smell is of an aged, but not faded, vintage."

"Yes, Master", Bob and Sally-Ann chorused in unison, turning to face the door. With a single, swift motion, each drove a foot into the door, which thumped solidly against the doorframe.

"Hmm... perhaps barred", their master said, voice as soft as blood being drawn. "Break it", he commanded irritably.

Thrice more they kicked in unison; on the third, the door shattered, sending splinters flying across the room. It wouldn't ruin the meal, of course; even a pitiful human would not be unduly pierced by light splinters of wood.

"It seems he is hiding, Master", Sally-Ann said, her voice holding a barest tinge of hunt-excitement as she examined the empty room.

"Tut, tut", Morley tsked. "Be careful, this one might be"

"Telæ", a voice spoke, a bruised and bloodied human appearing in the center of the reddened room, hand upraised, palm facing them, with the three main fingers extended, and thumb curled up to little finger.

Wrist-thick webs covered everything in an eye-blink, partially obscuring the sight each other and the room... only to rip and tear under their Master's strength as he surged relentlessly towards the _offence_ who had dared trap them. "...tricky. And possibly part spider-demon."

The food drew a wand into their hand... but not fast enough, as their master shattered its arm and took the first taste.

Sally-Ann and Bob broke their way free shortly thereafter.

Morley greeted them with the weakly-struggling, broken body of the food.

"Drink, my children," he said softly. "But leave a portion in the body. I think we will soon have a new member of our family."

The food struggled, perhaps to cast another spell; Morley casually broke its other arm.

Three days later, Morley, Sally-Ann and Bob dropped a struggling blood-sack at their new member's feet as he came awake, thirsty for blood. He looked at them, eyes already clear of the newly-risen madness, and smiled. "Oh, my friends. I have so much to tell you."

Wrenching the food's neck to the side, he drank.

Even as open excitement crosed Morley, Sally-Ann, and Bob's face, the hairs rose on the back of Bob's neck.

* * *

Author's Note: Let us call this "W-World". I am sure it will not be important.


End file.
